Passing on the "Genes"

Last night, while disciplining my 8 year-old son, I told him that it was my job, as his Daddy, to prepare him to be a man and a Daddy.  His reply was an immediate, "I'm not gonna have children."  Now, to be sure, this is a decision that he has made in haste and will probably change his mind about many times before he actually gets to the point that he will actually FACE the decision to have children or not...but the point I was making was still relevant.  I wanted him to understand that I was not chastising him for what he did because I enjoyed the feeling or because I didn't have anything else better to do, but because the mistake he made was one that needed to be corrected.  Another words, the very definition or Parenting. 

Not to put too fine a point on it, I am not saying that I am an ideal parent.  In fact, I believe that I fail miserably lots of times.  And I tell my children this repeatedly.  But I do understand the path that my wife and I have chosen as parents and how we want to collectively raise our children...so I am sure that we agree (most of the time) on how to discipline and the talk that goes along with it.  The problem is the feeling I have during and after the talk.  My son is ALL boy.  If you have one of your own, or have spent any extended period with one, you know exactly what I am talking about.  But, just because he's all boy, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have emotions and feel pain.  During most of my talks with him, particularly toward the end, he starts to tear up and at least look like he is feeling remorse...in a big way.  This could be because of his overly-dramatic persona, or, and I like to believe this is the truth, because he understands the mistake he has made and wants to do better. 

Back to the problem though...how can I justify the pain that I feel when he weeps?  If you've ever experienced this, then you know that it's a very wrenching moment.  You know that you hit a "home run" as far as making your point, and at the same time, you're aware that someone you care deeply for is hurting.  I struggle with being a Daddy all the time...this is another point that I share with both my children.  The only consolation I have found is that, so far, my kids posess an unbelievable ability to forgive me.  And thank God for that.  If they didn't, they would probably hate the site of me. 

Sharing this today has made me realize that this is another fine point that I should be sharing with them.  The ability to forgive is not something that many adults utilize.  In fact, I would say that most adults choose to ignore this ability as they live out their middle years.  I know that I am guilty of holding a grudge.  I still do in some cases.  Here is a great example of the student teaching the teacher...through an unpleasant situation, I am learning to cope with unpleasant feelings.  That's a great life lesson.  That's what I need to teach my children. 

I have this idea...

I have an idea for a story.

I'm an obsessive follower of the tv show Lost and find the writing to be fantastic.  I've always liked stories about redemption and it's occured to me over the years that the idea of good vs. bad is really the story of humanity.  It's been around as long as Adam and Eve and exists in one of its forms inside of all of us. 

I'm not going to spoil the story because I don't want to "curse" it by revealing too much before I even get started.  But I will say that the general premise is multiple people with varius personalities and problems trapped in a situation where they have no choice but to get along and discover who they really are.  I realize that its been done before and my goal is to do it my way, maybe spice it up...but imagine how we would all react to being cooped up with someone we don't know for an extended period of time.  Would we become allies...or enemies? 

Much like the two "archtype" characters that seem to have existed forever on the Lost island, we would have to either believe that everyone falls into one or two categories...good or evil.  Ultimately I believe that the nature of man (pardon the use of this archaic pronoun but it suits the analogy) is good.  Not to say that ALL men are good because they obviously are not.  But I do beleive in the goodness of human kind. So where does the evil-ness come from?  Is it a reaction to nurturing or lack thereof?  Is it a reaction to curcumstance?  THAT'S what I hope to discover...in the interim (sp?) there should be many interesting situations and conversations. 

I have felt for a long time that I need to write.  I've not shared this "secret" with many people but it's been there for about 15 years...this feeling of wanting to tell a story.  I've gotten started many times but there always seems to be a point where I either lose momentum (or the idea) or I start to doubt why I am bothering to do this in the first place.  So many people probably try it year in and out and much of that group fails I'm sure.  THERE'S the demon...I have come to realize that it's possible that the reason I am not a published writer is becuase I have given up so many times.  I would never say something like "its my destiny to be a writer" or "I was born to write", but I'll never know if I can do it unless I give it a shot. 

I will try to close on a more "solid" point because I don't want to sound overly philosophical: I'm always telling my children that they should face the fear they feel.  I've explained to them many times that courage is not the absence of fear but the strength to go on, even though you may be scared.  I don't claim to have penned that...it was first said long ago I'm sure...but I will take my own advice and at least have the courage to give it a shot.  If nothing else happens, I'll at least have created something.  And I hope that if anyone ever reads it, they'll enjoy the ride.  (Now I just got to find the time and the energy) 

Day one...

The first thing you need to know is that I am rather found of the "..." and the "etc" and various other symbolization when texting, im-ing, blogging, etc...(see?). I believe in the visualiztion of text for emphasis of thought...but more so than just LOL, omg, and "doodling does doofus' duties" (alliteration...get it?) Also I can get lost in "tangent land" and go on and on and on about really insignificant blather...but stay with me in any case because I will have a point. 

My purpose for this blog is one of many levels.  I feel that I have something to say, and this provides a good outlet.  Whether or not anyone else wants to read it is beside the point.  Ultimately I would hope so.  I'd like to think that I am a writer-in-waiting, and if I am to have any readers, then this is as good as any place to start.  I hope to get some (as well as welcome any) feedback from anyone who happens by.

I plan on rambling on about "stuff" that just comes to me and I plan on (maybe) trying out some stories that may or may not turn into something bigger.  Today...is just the INTRO.  I have no way of knowing how frequently I will post.  I will post when the mood strikes. 

Today's random thought...
Am I insane because I try to use rational thought with my 8 year-old son?  Maybe but you should hear his vocabulary. 

Gripe of the day...
Why would anyone think that the contraction for "you all" is ya'll.  Any fool knows it's Y'ALL.