Passing on the "Genes"

Last night, while disciplining my 8 year-old son, I told him that it was my job, as his Daddy, to prepare him to be a man and a Daddy.  His reply was an immediate, "I'm not gonna have children."  Now, to be sure, this is a decision that he has made in haste and will probably change his mind about many times before he actually gets to the point that he will actually FACE the decision to have children or not...but the point I was making was still relevant.  I wanted him to understand that I was not chastising him for what he did because I enjoyed the feeling or because I didn't have anything else better to do, but because the mistake he made was one that needed to be corrected.  Another words, the very definition or Parenting. 

Not to put too fine a point on it, I am not saying that I am an ideal parent.  In fact, I believe that I fail miserably lots of times.  And I tell my children this repeatedly.  But I do understand the path that my wife and I have chosen as parents and how we want to collectively raise our children...so I am sure that we agree (most of the time) on how to discipline and the talk that goes along with it.  The problem is the feeling I have during and after the talk.  My son is ALL boy.  If you have one of your own, or have spent any extended period with one, you know exactly what I am talking about.  But, just because he's all boy, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have emotions and feel pain.  During most of my talks with him, particularly toward the end, he starts to tear up and at least look like he is feeling remorse...in a big way.  This could be because of his overly-dramatic persona, or, and I like to believe this is the truth, because he understands the mistake he has made and wants to do better. 

Back to the problem though...how can I justify the pain that I feel when he weeps?  If you've ever experienced this, then you know that it's a very wrenching moment.  You know that you hit a "home run" as far as making your point, and at the same time, you're aware that someone you care deeply for is hurting.  I struggle with being a Daddy all the time...this is another point that I share with both my children.  The only consolation I have found is that, so far, my kids posess an unbelievable ability to forgive me.  And thank God for that.  If they didn't, they would probably hate the site of me. 

Sharing this today has made me realize that this is another fine point that I should be sharing with them.  The ability to forgive is not something that many adults utilize.  In fact, I would say that most adults choose to ignore this ability as they live out their middle years.  I know that I am guilty of holding a grudge.  I still do in some cases.  Here is a great example of the student teaching the teacher...through an unpleasant situation, I am learning to cope with unpleasant feelings.  That's a great life lesson.  That's what I need to teach my children.